When You Do People Wrong It Always Come Back to You

They Always Come Back

Why some exes just insist on not disappearing.

There are a few unwritten rules in the realm of dating: ignoring red flags is never a good idea, saying "I'm not ready for a relationship" means "I'm not ready for a relationship with you," and exes always come back at least once after you break up.

And that's not to say they necessarily want to get back together, just that nearly everyone I've ever dated (some of which were only casually) seems to find their way back into my DMs, at least one more time.

And in light of this strange and peculiar phenomenon, I thought I'd reflect on some of the reasons I believe this happens.

1. They have serious boundary issues.

First and foremost, if a former lover comes back into your life after you've already broken up, especially if this encounter is following a long period of little to no contact, it's a fair bet that they have issues with boundaries. Particularly if they reach out to you out of the blue with an "Hey, you up?" or an "I've been thinking of you lately."

A boundary tells other people what is and what is not acceptable behavior with how they treat you and choose to show up in your life. We all have boundaries, some of us just have stronger and more established ones than others. If someone has issues with boundaries, they disregard the fact that you haven't spoken with them in months (or even years) and fail to remember that you left things on bad terms.

In fact, though they may tell you otherwise, they fail to truly think of you (and your best interests) at all. They barge in, sell you an idea of missing you or waxing nostalgic, and pretend it's totally normal to be messaging you out of the blue at 1 am on a Saturday night (I mean, who over the age of thirty is even up at that hour?)

2. They're single and filling a void.

If someone I used to date has the nerve to message me out of the blue, the first thing I suspect is that they're recently single. What better time to reconnect with everyone who's ever loved you than right after you newly become single?

But don't confuse this for anything meaningful. They just want someone to distract them from their breakup, help them to feel attractive again, and feed their ego. They know you're safe because you've already dated them, which means you were attracted to them at one point, but since that didn't work out, it likely never will.

You're something to chew on until someone new comes along or until they get back together with the person they just broke up with. They're not telling you they've been holding out and waiting for you all these years, they're saying they're lonely, bored, insecure and looking to get a hit of dopamine.

3. They know or sense you've moved on.

Don't ask me how, and I'm not saying that everyone I've dated is psychic (because let's be honest, they're really not), but it seems as though there's always at least one person from my past who shows up the exact moment I start a new relationship.

It's usually months or years after our time has come and gone, I've completely rid myself of any contact or social media connections with them, and yet like clockwork, they instinctively just always seem to know. Don't ask me how, but they do.

I see it as a test from the universe asking me if I'm truly ready to commit to something real, or if I'd prefer to walk backward instead. And since the adult version of me refuses to let my future potential be crushed by what's already come and gone, I don't entertain these last-ditch efforts at capturing my attention.

So what do you do when they come back around, you ask? Well, I don't have all the answers, because I guess it depends on your relationship, their approach, where you're at in your life and how self-absorbed they actually are (okay so if you haven't noticed, I don't exactly have the greatest track history with the people I've chosen to date in the past) but one thing I can tell you is what I've done when this has happened to me.

If the person didn't matter much in the larger scheme of things, and they are not someone I'll likely run into any time soon (i.e. we live in separate cities), or if simply acknowledging their existence will elicit an unexpected and unwanted visit to my house, I ignore them, pretend I didn't see their message, and block them from communicating with me in the future.

With that being said, if the person is someone who really doesn't understand boundaries, and as a result of which, is also someone who's susceptible to approach me at some forthcoming event like we're the closest of old pals, I kindly send them a reply that might sound a little bit like this:

Dear X,
I feel as though there's nothing I've done in the past 4+ years of not speaking with you that would suggest a random message from you would be appropriate or warranted, but since we evidently aren't on the same page, let me make myself very clear: we are not friends, please do not message me again.
Thank you.

I must admit, my approach hasn't failed me yet.

When You Do People Wrong It Always Come Back to You

Source: https://psiloveyou.xyz/they-always-come-back-d129ea65d60e